Craig Ferguson at TCA roundup

The witty and profane Craig Ferguson met the nation's TV critics today in Los Angeles. They're predisposed to like him because he always sends pizza to their business meetings. Here's a sampling of what he said:

Entertainment Weekly:
“You mean 18-to-49 is the most important [measurement]? And they don’t measure beyond 49? In two years I’ll be 49, so f— that!”

“I may be through with my cussin’ puppets; I’m gettin’ a bit bored with them.”

TVGuide.com:
On Jay Leno's move to 10 PM: "I'm mystified by many things in life, and that one, I don't really understand what's going on there. I don't program television. I'm just the pretty one that reads the prompter."

"David Letterman is the king of late-night television. ... My relationship with David Letterman is that I sit at his feet. That's what it is. I'm kind of his bitch."

New Jersey Star-Ledger:
"America, for me, is a philosophical and emotional decision. It's not just jingoistic, it's certainly not just political. It's not a donkey or an elephant. It's a flag and an idea. It's a dream, it's a belief in fairness and opportunity... It's the only thing, maybe, that I have difficulty playing with in any iconoclastic way on the show... It's not my job to make fun of everything."

"Look, the truth is we are all in a precarious business... I don't want to be frightened. As writers, to be frightened, you will become ineffective. So I don't want to have the ambition of a timeslot or a number of dollars frighten me. Do I want to make a lot of money? F--k yeah! But I've met a lot of rich people who are d-bags. I don't want to be that -- or any more of that than is necessary. I hope to in some way be able to maintain some kind of integrity."

DVR Playground:
On his upcoming book: "It’s reasonably priced and available on September 27. It’s an autobiography and I’m looking forward to reading it. I hear it’s great."

"In his first week I watched maybe 10 minutes of Jimmy [Fallon] and I like him but I stand by what I said [in previous interviews]. I thought Jimmy’s competition is Adult Swim and I still believe that. I think my competition is sleep or the Shamwow commercial, or whatever the hell is on cable."

On his guests: "I like to think I’m a bit like a doctor at a certain point, where I take a bit of a Hippocratic oath. But my favorite guest is Betty White, my least favorite guest is a certain actor…. well, f--k him."